Finger-lickin’ good
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Mommy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears running down her face.
I said, “What’s wrong honey?”
Sad and broken hearted she looked at me and said, “Mommy, where’s my booger?”
Categories: Jokes
Sunday Morning Sex
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday Morning.”
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even…Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”
Categories: Jokes
Thunder Thursday
As my Wordless Wednesday showed, we’ve had a lot of thunderstorms around here lately.
Since I live in a house that has been struck by lightning, we shut down all of the electronics now when there are thunderstorms, so there’s been very little computer-ing for me - LOL
The thunder has scared the holy crap (literally) out of the kittens, now one month old. They like huddling up by us, when mama goes to stretch her legs. When a bolt of lightning strikes nearby and the house shakes from thunder, the kittens shake fiercely, and one of them (Ebony - the darkest one) seems most terrified, and stiffens her little legs, sticks her tail straight up in the air, and drops a little dry poopie. LOL Thank gawd we caught on quickly, so now we put her a paper towel “diaper” under her as soon as the rumbles start. LOL
Hope this finds all of you well. I changed the “door” picture on the header - thanks for noticing, Kel!
I have a lot of catching up to do, and I am behind on all my E-Bay auctions etc, but I wanted to say howdy, and leave you with this joke:
~~~
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.”
With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, “Mama needs new clothes.” Then she yells, “YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON.”
She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll, anyway?”
The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching.”
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.
Categories: Jokes, Humor, Cats
Viagra Alert
BULLETIN:
Many men are buying “black market” Viagra pills from Mexican mail-order drug stores.
The U.S Food and Drug Administration announced that several of these pharmacies are mixing the Viagra with ground up Mexican Jumping Beans.
The results can be horrible….
Here is what you get when you combine Viagra with Mexican Jumping Beans:
Categories: Jokes
Happy Mother’s Day
Wanted to wish all you moms a joyous holiday.
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This is a hoot!
Why Grandma Shouldn’t Skydive
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Check out the new links in my sidebar! Got a couple of pages made about the about-to-publish books of mine, and a little farther down, some books that are mmm, mmm, good readin’ LOL
Feelin’ Crotch (ety)? Nothin’ makes you feel old like havin’ kids, so I thought I’d share these old jokes. I mean jokes about getting old - LOL
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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, ‘”Mabel, do you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?”
Mabel answered, “I have a suppository in my ear?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.”
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THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Best wishes to EVERYONE for a glorious weekend!
Mothers Day
Categories: Writing, Special Days, Jokes
Posted by Marti @ 
