Mother Nature is Angry

Posted By on February 28, 2014

Man, I am so tired of winter. I think Mother Nature hates all of us humans and is trying to kill us.

Blizzards to the east of me, drought to the west of me and I’m stuck here in the middle with ewwww. (Icky weather). Yes, we are forecast to get snow, sleet and freezing foulness raining from the sky this weekend.

Again.

How cold is it where you are? Here’s a guide:

+60 F (+15 C) Californians put on sweaters.

+50 F (+10 C) Miami residents turn on the heat.

+40 F (+5 C) You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

+35 F (+2 C) Italian cars don’t start.

+32 F (0 C) Water freezes.

+30 F (-1 C) You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on t-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. English cars don’t start.

+25 F (-4 C) Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

+20 F (-7 C) You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacations further south.

+15 F (-10 C) French cars don’t start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Your cat insists on sleeping in bed with you.

+10 F (-12 C) Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

+5 F (-15 C) You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don’t start.

+0 F (-18 C) Alaskans put on t-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 F (-23 C). German cars don’t start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 F (-26 C) You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 F (-30 C) Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don’t start.

-25 F (-32 C) Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 F (-34 C) You plan a two-week hot bath. The Great Lakes freeze. Swedish cars don’t start.

-40 F (-40 C) Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 F (-46 C) Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80 F (-62 C) Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south.

-90 F (-68 C) Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

I don’t know if humans are causing this, but I remember this old commercial warning us that it’s not nice to fool around with Mother Nature.

About The Author

I'm a humor columnist writing about bad luck, being a klutz, cars that hate me, having kids, life and love. Style of writing is like a cross between Erma Bombeck and Dave Barry LOL

Comments

2 Responses to “Mother Nature is Angry”

  1. This is extremely hilarious! hahaha.. Even Mother Nature has some sort of entertainment – having margarine on the side – and to see humans respond to ever increasing change and drop of temperature. I hope you could make another one same as this, but this time talking more of how mother nature getting entertained (with margarine, of course) with how we respond during extreme summer heat or storm perhaps. Can’t stop laughing. This is definitely worth the share. Thanks Marti, this really made my day!

  2. Marti says:

    I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by!!

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge