There Can Be Only One

Posted By on September 30, 2006

Highlander MovieNo, not the Highlander movie, which was way cool.


This is w-a-y uncool.

There seems to be some unwritten law of the universe, that Middle Son and I can not BOTH have working vehicles.

He buys a car, mine goes in the shop.

My car is running, something breaks on his.

So now…there can be only one.

(And it ain’t mine – LOL)

My car is, in technical terms – fuggdup.

It is bashed in on both sides. It has no outside rearview mirrors. It takes two people to roll up the passenger door window, because it jumps out of the track in a futile attempt to flee the horror of its surroundings. (For you youngens who have lived your entire life with electric automobile windows that rise with the push of a button, there are still some of us Neanderthals who drive such ancient vehicles that we have to MANUALLY raise and lower the glass.) One person has to be inside cranking the handle up, and a second individual must stand outside the car, pushing the kamikaze glass back into its track.

There is something in the front end that goes, “Skree-thump, skree-thump” when we turn a corner.

Its last oil change was roughly 7,000 miles ago. I’m not sure because the odometer quit working.

Then the transmission gave up the ghost. (Speaking of ghosts – I am excited beyond belief that tomorrow starts Halloween Month! *giggle*)

So here she sits, all sad and lonely. Daughter is back on the bus, which adds to her cheery disposition in the mornings (insert intense sarcasm – LOL)

Middle son is running all my errands for me. Wanna guess how thrilled he is about that? LOL

Bats may show up soon here. I have lots of time to look for Halloween graphics.

And me? I’m going bat-shit crazy without my car.

About The Author

I'm a humor columnist writing about bad luck, being a klutz, cars that hate me, having kids, life and love. Style of writing is like a cross between Erma Bombeck and Dave Barry LOL


15 Responses to “There Can Be Only One”

  1. Leigh says:

    Holy cow, girl! I know how horrible it feels to be car-less and stranded. Perhaps the car has led a good, reliable life and now needs to have a younger model take over its duties? Hm.
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  2. Amy says:

    And, worse yet, you are sending your sick-car vibes towards the west coast, apparently. My beloved ‘Burban? I went to start it yesterday and… NOTHING. Nada, Zip, Zilch.

    An hour later, it started up just as nice as anything. So I took it to Wendy’s and then to the carwash… I haven’t tried to start it today. Yet.

  3. Peter says:

    It sounds like you have a pair of the very rare (fortunately) vehicles manufactured under hidden license by “Windows”, (Bill Gates revenge on those who call him nerdy and want to break up his monopoly…. Microsoft)

  4. actonbell says:

    Rabbit, rabbit! Good luck in October.

    I hope your car problems get resolved soon–been there, too. CARS: can’t live with’em, can’t live without’em.

  5. Deborah says:

    There is a big downside to electric windows in that if your car dies on a really hot day, you’d better get that door open fast before you suffocate.

  6. Chickadee says:

    LMAO…that sounds like a combination of the 2 cars I had in my younger years. The passenger door on my first car didn’t work…you either had to climb in Dukes-of-Hazzard style or clamber across the driver’s side door and in my second car, the odometer stopped working one day and then it got a crack in the block (or something like that) and it was pretty much shot. Then I got a Geo Metro that was nicknamed the “Snoopy mobile” . Ahhhh those were the days. Yea, you can leave those days in the past. LOL.

  7. Laina says:

    If Middle Son gets too cranky about the errands, be sure to request some hideously embarassing feminine hygiene item that you absolutely MUST have TODAY. Bwahahaha, pity my children when they get older. 😀

  8. Heather says:

    I remember reading about this in lab once…something with the space-time continuum. Two operating cars cannot possibly occupy the same driveway at the same time.

  9. Mike Ashley says:

    Sheesh – your car sounds like a couple of rattletraps I had over the years. (One had the bumper sticker: My Other Car Is A Heap.)

    I even drove my old 83 Buick LeSAbre for six without reverse! Talk about an adventure.

  10. Mike Ashley says:

    Sheesh – your car sounds like a couple of rattletraps I had over the years. (One had the bumper sticker: My Other Car Is A Heap.)

    I even drove my old 83 Buick LeSabre for six months without reverse! Talk about an adventure.

  11. I LOVE your Halloween graphics!

  12. Marianne says:

    Bad cars are no fun…and yours sounds really, really bad. There can be an upside though. Just yesterday our middle daughter cracked up her college writing professor with an essay about the day the sliding door of my minivan fell off in the WalMart parking lot and we tied it back on with dog ropes. And she got a 95 on the essay in the bargain! Of couse I still can’t open my door but…..

  13. cube says:

    Your only solution is to go deeply into debt and buy a new car.

  14. Jay Williams says:

    WOW! Where did you get that Highlander image?? That has blown me away! Please get back to me :0)


  15. Marti says:

    Hi Jay,

    The image is from an old VHS movie box. Glad you enjoyed it. Feel free to use it. Thanks for stopping by!

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