Now they’ve gone and done it.

For the first time in 25 years, I have no children in school. Wow. The girl has been a high school graduate for more than a week now, and I find myself in a very strange place.

Been in a lot of strange places recently, one of which was on the floor at Walmart.

See, in addition to doing the prom, getting the cap and gown, and lining everything else up for graduation, we had to dodge zombies.

We have a family tradition (admittedly an odd one) of playing the video game “Resident Evil” with our kids. The family that slays together, stays together.

On top of all the school stuff going on, Daughter had a birthday. And she wanted the newest video game system from Nintendo, the Wii. That’s the one nobody can find in stores. I made phone calls, visited stores, checked online and begged, pleaded, cried and cajoled with store clerks to get a lead on one.

Then the news came. Walmart would have a very limited number of them available for sale. They could not be purchased until one minute past midnight. I was warned there was sure to be a line, and advised to arrive early.

So we did.

9:45 PM Saturday evening found us at the electronics counter to check in. A young man with multiple face piercings told us that the rumor was true, and the line would form over there by that display of manila envelopes. Go wait there.

I tried to make a joke about remaining stationary in stationery, which he did not get. In fact it seemed to confuse him, and he frowned so severely I feared his left and right brow-rings would interlock, and Every Mother’s Prophesy about not contorting your face or it would get stuck that way, would come true.

I waved my hand, smiled to relieve his anxiety, and headed for the display of manila envelopes.

I do not stand well. My feet are attached to my legs by metal plates and screws from having broken both of my ankles twice. So after a few minutes, I gave up all efforts at proper demeanor, and sat down on the floor.

People look at you strange when you’re sitting on the floor at Walmart. The ones who notice you anyway. I swear there are more zombies in Walmart at midnight than there are in Resident Evil. They wander by and never take note of Daughter and I sitting on the floor. Many were talking to their shopping companion, or a cell phone, or most horrifying, to themselves. Lotta self-talkers at Walmart at midnight. (Husband took the shopping cart and strolled around but as far as I know never once started muttering).

So there we were, at the head of the line that wasn’t. Apparently this shipment was a very well-kept secret. Only one man joined us, and he appeared to be human. He exchanged pleasantries, remained standing and did not hold conversations with himself.

Sure enough, at one minute past midnight, we were motioned over to the electronics counter and allowed to spend a substantial amount of money. I was stiff and longing for a stiff one. We took the prize home and the girl was happy. Now she gets to spend her not-in-school days shooting zombies and doing whatever it is players do to Mario in his Brawl. I don’t really want to know. She smiles at me every time we see one another, and that’s good enough.

:-)

Categories: Humor