A couple of years ago, I did a blog post called “Nascar Oscar” and it was a lot of fun, so I decided to do one for this year. Enjoy!
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: We’re here at the 80th annual Academy Awards. We missed last year, on account of Jeff here havin’ an unfortunate “incident” at Daytona in 2007.
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: {{shudders at memory of the college student who offered him some “E” which he misheard as “tea” and cheerfully popped into his mouth with a hearty, “Thanks buddy! I usually drink Luzianne but I’ll try your concentrate!”}}
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: ((spots Regis Philbin approaching}} Hey lookie, Jeff! It’s the Lucky Charms Leprechaun!
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: ((has momentary flashback of hallucinations from 2007, then spots Marion Cotillard and quakes in terror}} Oh gawd, Mike! Is that an albino mermaid?
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Calm down Jeff. Hey, there’s Mickey Rooney - I thought he was dead!
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Ain’t he still on Sixty Minutes?
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: And there’s Jack Nicholson!
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Aww, poor fella, wearin’ them big ol’ sunglasses. I didn’t realize he’d gone blind. I guess they wouldn’t let his seein’ eye dog in with him.
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: It’s great to see John Wayne and Bob Hope again, wonder what they been up to?
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Ack! A bee! {{begins swatting wildly at the air}}
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: {{Sees clip of Jarvier Bardem, in No Country for Old Men}} Day-um, that’s the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: {{Sees Tilda Swinton}} That poor red-haired gal musta got mugged on the way over here, somebody done stole the sleeve right off her dress.
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: There’s that cute little gal that works at the Pie Hole.
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: They keep sayin’ “There Will Be No Old Men” Is that a jab at John McCain?
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: I dunno, Jeff, I think the commies are takin’ over everything! There ain’t no Americans winnin nothin’!
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Hell yeah! They even got Indiana Jones wearin’ earrings! What is the world comin’ to?
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: {{Sees the Coen Brothers going onstage for third time}} Wasn’t them fellers just there?
JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: {{Shudders again at thought of flashbacks}} I don’t feel so good, Mike, can we go home?
MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Yeah Jeff, let’s get outta here. Folks keep sayin’ “Juno” and I keep tellin’ ‘em, “No, I DON’T know, now leave me alone”.
Posted by Marti @ 
Bwahahahahahaha!!!!
I’ve so missed your posts! Don’t stay away too long!
February 26th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
lol! The last time I watched the oscars “Silence of the Lambs” swept the night.
I think I prefer your version
February 26th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Marti ~ I think that Mrs. LZ and I were two of the 12 or so people who actually watched the Oscars. We fell asleep before it was over so at least it wasn’t a total waste of time. But I too have to agree with the NASCAR announcer. That Tilda Sweenson actually looked better in her movie “Michael Clayton”. We actually thought it was a pretty good part she played as “a heartless OGC from a corrupt BioTech Ag firm”. But now… I think she may have been just perfectly type cast for the part. COO COO! COO COO! ~ It was great to hear from you again. Glad to see you’re still around! ~ jb///
February 26th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
You blew it. If Jeff and Mike were REALLY NASCAR announcers instead of backwoods wannabes, they would have peppered the evening with time proven phrases such as,
“And she’s completely sideways!”
“Looks like his front end is a little loose out there.”
“It’s just one of them Oscar deals.”
“And here comes Jack on the outside. he’s movin…he’s movin’…He’s Movin!”
“Look at ‘im go!!!”
“Now that there is what I call actin’!”
February 26th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
That dress donned by Tilda Swinton is definitely atrocious but Marion Cotillard’s dress is not that bad
February 27th, 2008 at 1:21 am
Thank you all for stopping by!
Amy, I’ve missed you too!
Cube, you’re not alone, I heard the ratings were pretty low, but I still love the Oscars!
LZ, I am really looking forward to seeing “Michael Clayton”.
Groovy, I like your additions!
Chase, I LOVE seeing all the great dresses!
Hugs to everyone!
February 27th, 2008 at 9:16 am
LOL, sounds better than the commentary I got to listen to, watching E with my sister and mom!
February 28th, 2008 at 4:56 am
I think you were probably more entertaining than the Oscars.
I didn’t watch them - I’m on strike.
March 1st, 2008 at 2:35 am
Funny post! Glad to have you writing again, even if it’s just a post here and there;)
March 1st, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I love the wearin’ of the green look!!
March 7th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Haha! Girl, you crack me up! Especially the mermaid comment. ROFL!
:)
Mystery
www.shotinthedarkmysteries.com
www.yourdatewithdeath.com
March 10th, 2008 at 11:27 am