Labor Day is over. Thank God.
Ours was bizarre. Any holiday that includes a phone call telling you that grandma’s front door has been knocked down by the police goes right up there in the Top Ten Weird Ones.
I couldn’t make this stuff up.
Seems that someone phoned in an emergency assistance request in the next county over. The caller claimed to be an elderly woman who was in distress - lost, disoriented and having no name. The caller didn’t literally say, “I have no name” but simply failed to mention it during the call. They did however, mention a phone number - grandma’s phone number.
The next county over did a quick check with their magical We Know Everything About Everybody database, and cross-referenced the phone number to grandma’s hometown. So they passed the information about elderly unnamed woman to grandma’s hometown police, who sprung into action.
They arrived with everything short of Bradley fighting vehicles, according to the disconcerted neighbors, (which is a good thing…if this had been an actual emergency) who must have thought Osama Bin Laden (oh gee that’ll get flagged by the FBI for sure - said a paranoid Marti who is sure the government is reading her blog ever since she talked about the forest fatah and Suicide Bambi attacking her car) was holed up inside.
They called. They knocked. They swarmed the six-foot wooden privacy fence. They scared the bejesus out of grandma’s cairn terrier.
Then they broke down the front door.
Meanwhile, (insert soft Muzak background) grandma was quietly strolling the aisles of Walmart, looking for light bulbs, blissfully unaware.
We, however, were painfully aware, and pacing the floors scared out of our wits at grandma’s supposed demise. Visions of that sweet little lady lying in a ditch are not nearly as pleasant as having sugarplums dance in your head, lemme tell ya.
As frantic phone calls were being made, and grandma’s doggie was crouching in terror under the bed while the SWAT team stormed the house, grandma was contemplating 60 versus 75 watts for the kitchen. What a surprise awaited her.
We’re still trying to sort out the details. Why the caller gave no name. Why they called the next county over, yet said they were near a town that is 200 miles away. Why they gave grandma’s phone number. Why phonetic isn’t spelled the way it sounds.
I’ll let you know if we get any answers.
Posted by Marti @ 
LOL! You wont’ believe this but.. we had almost the exact thing happen to us once, years ago. I’ll have to tackle that one for a post at lunch
September 4th, 2007 at 8:34 am
The great granny-gone-missing mystery has been solved!
Mom-in-law & I followed the trail like bloodhounds. There was an elderly lady who was genuinely lost and confused (and was found) The truly lost lady gave the wrong phone number when she called police.
September 4th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Poor grandma. This poor lady has been through so much what with trying to conquer the internet and Ebay… I hope they are paying to have her door fixed. Maybe you guys can guilt them into therapy for the terrier. Poor baby.
September 4th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Wow! That’s really funny. Glad to hear you solved it!
September 4th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
If she had been home, she might have had a heart attack.
glad she was looking for light bulbs.
September 5th, 2007 at 1:00 am
You poor souls! I can just imagine how you must have felt.
Very vividly in fact, as I am the to call number on my folks’ burglar alarm. At least one time I KNEW they were home, yet neither the phone, doorbell, knocking, screaming, etc. roused them in the least. This went on long enough for me to drive from my house, ten miles away, to join the police in their attempts to contact someone inside that house.
It took a trooper on the garage roof, banging on their bedroom window to rouse them from pleasant dreams.
So, believe me I can identify. Glad it all turned out all right.
September 5th, 2007 at 7:42 am
Hmmm, time to buy Grandma a cell phone?
September 5th, 2007 at 7:53 am
Funny — but only in the aftermath.
September 6th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Hey Marti, I have often had that thought about the spelling of phonetic… please let me know if you find the answer.
September 7th, 2007 at 12:06 am
Well, I am glad they found the real missing woman. I relate to what you said about them sending every emergency vehicle in the fleet, they do that here. If you call the emergency line they send out the police, the fire department medical rescue, the ambulance with the EMTs and usually a large hook and ladder fire truck, even if you haven’t reported a fire.
Except once when I had a suspected gas leak, and although I live two blocks from the fire station they couldn’t send a truck because the street is too narrow, so the firemen had to walk to my house.
September 7th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
It would be funny if it wasn’t so scary:x Glad she was ok!
September 8th, 2007 at 8:01 am
I am picturing it like a movie. Grandma patiently strolling down the aisles at the store, musak playing in the background, while the split screen shows us her door being bashed in.
Glad everything was okay
September 9th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
“We are the government and we are here to help”. Scariest words ever.
September 15th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Wow that’s bizarre.
Even more bizarre than the time we called the ambulance via their regular non-emergency 7 digit number and requested a simple transport to get Dad to the hospital. He was a little confused and Mom and I didn’t think we could safely get him down the stairs into the garage and the car therein.
We got 2 police cars, 1 ambulance, a full fledged firetruck, a rescue truck, and a fat guy selling Little Debbie cakes.
We were dumbfounded and the girlies were scared to death.
September 16th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
I love coming here & reading your hilarious exploits. See, I live a relatively boring life compared to you.
September 17th, 2007 at 9:52 am