I went to the grocery store last night, after a frustrating day of trying to get my mother-in-law’s computer to recognize the AT&T/DSL Internet connection we had made for her. We might as well have been trying to talk to the Mars rover. More on that in a moment.
It was hot - really hot, but not in a fun, Paris Hilton kind of way. We’re talking temperature and humidity in the 90’s.
I parked the car, went in for supplies, returned and unlocked the door. I was tired and frustrated. I flung the door open, tossed the sack onto the passenger seat, and dropped towards the driver’s seat as I pulled the door shut behind me. The key word in this sentence is “towards”. I did not make it fully TO the seat, as an updraft from the heated interior of the car caught my ponytail.
Just as the door slammed fully shut, the ponytail lodged between the door and the roof of the car, suspending me, much like this circus performer, except less graceful and not juggling. If I had the equipment and ability to juggle it might have helped me attract attention though, which would have helped, because I was stuck.
I reached for the door handle, (not an easy maneuver) but the position I was trapped in, and the fact that I do not have six-foot-long arms, prevented me from popping the door back open.
I screamed, “HELP!”
This is a small town grocery store though, largely abandoned in favor of the Mart That Sells Walls (another Paris Hilton reference) over in the next town, and there were no patrons milling about, waiting to be amused by or helpful to, the Klutz Who Caught Her Hair In The Door.
I shuffle-bumped my body in a manner similar to the person in a movie who has been tied to a chair by the bad guy, (who never watches movies and thus leaves the tie-ee alone to shuffle-bump their way to escape) until I could feel the electric window button, which was closer than the door release.
I lowered the window and managed to contort my arm around so I could pop the outside door handle to release me from Hair Hell.
Hooray!
I was free, and now know I have alternative occupation skills if Barnum and Bailey are ever looking for a non-juggling, middle-aged hair-hanger. (Unlikely, I know, but stranger things have happened…maybe.)
Now, back to mom-in-law’s computer.
It seems that Vista is incompatible with DSL (all the geeks snicker and go, “like duh”). The people at AT&T did not tell us this when we signed up. (Double duh)
So I implore all of you clever folks who are technical wizards. Is there any way to get Vista to see the 2Wire DSL modem, which AT&T says “pings” properly?
I am desperate.
I spent all day yesterday (prior to my grocery circus performance) trying to make the damn thing work.
We disabled the firewall, lowered the security and privacy settings, re-installed the set-up and did a strip tease for it (grandma’s air conditioner is failing, but that’s a whole ‘nother post).
Nothing worked. Vista is the most frustrating operating system ever designed by those sadists at Microsoft.
I have spoken to so many help center people from India I should speak Hindi by osmosis.
We may just remove it and install XP because my head hurts, metaphorically and literally. Please help me before I hang myself. . .again.
Posted by Marti @ 
Being of the pony-tailed variety, I cringe in almost as much horror as if you’d described a particularly disabling hair::zipper collision, if you catch my drift. So, good on you for the contortionist, “free thyself, Woman” maneuver you executed so skillfully.
As to your Vista vs. ADSL dilemma, have you tried invoking the built-in Internet Set-up Wizard? Or, are you struggling with the Vista Home edition, which lacks said facility? Frankly, my best advice is to reformat the hard drive and install a free version of Linux. I will NEVER willingly buy another Microsoft operating system again. Make mine a Mac for the next system — to Hell with Windows!
July 17th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Marti ! You can’t be serious about closing your pony tail in the car door! OR CAN YOU! ~ jb///
P.S. Did I ever tell you that I love the Quote on your sidebar?
July 17th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Oh Wil - you make me cring! LOL
Grandma bought a brand new Toshiba Satellite notebook computer that came with Vista installed. I am a tech-know-not, but I think it is the home edition.
* * *
Dear LZ, yes, this is a true story (sad, huh? LOL)
Thanks for the compliment on the quote!
July 17th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Oh my! Please forgive me for laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes!!! You poor thing! I can imagine how much that hurt!!!
Bev
July 17th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Marti, Marti, Marti,
Only to you my friend! It could only happen to you! You got another book in the works girl and it will be a best seller! You amaze me in your ability to make absolute horror into crazy comedy! You totally crack me up!
I love it! I don’t love that you have to get hurt for my entertainment though! Were a bun from here on out girl!
Be healthy and safe!
Love,
Pam C
July 17th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
I had this problem, I removed the virus known as Vista, and reinstalled the wonders of XP.
July 17th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
OMG! Marti!!!! That had to give you a headache!
(the computer and the pony tail I guess. LOL)
July 17th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
the hubby who is very very computer with it… says he won’t touch Vista until the first service release
Hey. My late mom went shopping on a cold winter day and locked her thumb in the back door. She couldn’t move. So she had to yell until someone in the parking lot came to her rescue. Her thumb was just twisted not broken.
You and your snakes, frogs, and ponytails. I think we’re twins separated at birth. ha ha ha ha ha.
July 17th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Is this a chicken or the egg thing Marti? do you get into these situations so you can blog about them or do they just happen to you (and only you)???
July 18th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Ouch! And too funny!
July 18th, 2007 at 8:37 am
My dad got his thumb stuck in a sliding van door once. This happened about 5am on a Sunday morning, when everybody was asleep. He stood outside in the cold until the paperboy came to rescue him.
The paperboy took one look at his crushed and profusely bleeding thumb and turned white. Then he fled like the sissy boy that he was.
I’m glad you were able to get the door open before the heat got you. Yikes! If that happens to you again, make sure it happens at the Mart that Sells Walls. Okay?
As for Vista, it sucks. I’d follow Nightmare’s lead and trade it for XP, if you can.
July 18th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Oh my! what an awkward way to get stuck!
July 18th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
“…non-juggling, middle-aged hair hanger.” Very nicely put, Marti.
I didn’t know that about Vista. Sure glad I fouled up when I tried to download it, and now I am “stuck” with XP.
July 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Oh my gosh! This is exactly why I have short hair!!!
Not really. I like it short ’cause it’s easy to take care of, but you’ve just given me a new cautionary tale against wearing my hair long ever again! Yikes!
I don’t know what’s up with Vista, but you’re not the only one “upgrading” back to XP. I posted about it this past week.
Hope your head is feeling better…
July 20th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
My best advice (and you don’t want to hear this):
Get a Mac.
July 20th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Sorry, I’m not laughing AT you, I’m laughing WITH…..oh never mind, I AM laughing at you:)
That was too funny but I know it wasn’t at the time.
Sorry, can’t help you with Vista. I don’t know nuttin’ about Vista, Ms. Scah-let.
July 22nd, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Bad hair day, eh?
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:17 am