I am tarred. That’s hillbilly-speak for exhausted.
Been gettin’ up at 3 AM to do the insanity run. That means I usually fall asleep about 7 PM - LOL
But I stayed up last night to watch Grey’s Anatomy, because I love that show. ‘Cause it’s all true.
I reckon most folks that watch it think, “Heh…funny, but that could never happen in real life.”
Trust me, real life is crazier.
I used to be an x-ray tech. The parade of human stupidity that you see when you work in a hospital is beyond anything a fiction writer could come up with.
We’d often get called to the emergency room to do portable x-rays. You never knew what to expect. It might be some fool who accidentally shot himself with a nail gun. Or a kid that swallowed something or stuffed something up their nose.
But the strangest case I ever saw (and let me tell you, I saw some damn strange stuff) was the vibrator case.
Got the call to do an ER portable. On the table was a young man in his 20’s sweating and groaning, and holding his abdomen. I glanced at the doctor. He looked at me and raised one eyebrow. The secret signal that this was gonna be odd.
He requested an abdominal x-ray. It is necessary to feel for the patient’s illiac bone to be able to position properly.
So I placed my hand on the man’s abdomen, and it was quivering.
I looked at the doctor again, who could not look directly at me as he was attempting not to laugh. (Anti-laughter is one of the classes they make you take in medical school.)
I excused myself and stepped into the hallway, motioning with my eyes for the doctor to follow.
“So, what’s up with this guy?”
Doctor stifled laughter. “Up…uh, yeah. Up his anus. Up into the colon.”
“His friend,” he said, pointing to a man pacing in the waiting room, “His friend says they were ‘playing’ with a vibrator, and it, uh, ‘got away’ from him.”
The vibrator had taken off like the bell at the Kentucky Derby had rung, and it was now attempting to round turn one.
It got stuck there.
It was still running.
I took my x-ray, then they took the guy into surgery.
I was called on to take portable films in there, (like I’d have missed this for the world - LOL) as it kept shifting positions. Once they sliced him open, and removed it, the doctor laid it on one of those silver medical trays.
It was still running.
It danced quite a jig on that metal tray, and the surgeon grabbed it and fiddled with it a bit, then yelled, “How do you turn this damn thing off?”
“Don’t say anything, Marti,” said the wise little voice in my head.
One of the nurses piped up, “The bottom of it should twist counterclockwise to turn it off.”
She never lived down having the answer, or her new nickname, “Buzzy”.
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Categories: Humor
Posted by Marti @ 
Sounds like a normal day in our ER. I never ceased to be amazed at what people think to stick in various orifices.
November 3rd, 2006 at 3:40 pm
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That poor woman, Buzzy… hahahaha!!
November 3rd, 2006 at 6:27 pm
You have a good weekend too, Marti, it kinda sounds like you need one. Northview vanished once too. Although it isn’t quite as bad as losing a beloved pet, it is pretty darn anguish-making. Glad you got it back!
Had a good friend once who was a maintenance guy at the hospital. He couldn’t believe it when he was called to the ER one night to “operate”. Seems a clever lad wanted to show off to his lady that he could put his wedding ring around…well…around something other than his finger. It was okay for a few minutes and then the circulation sort of got cut off and the ring wouldn’t come off anymore…..so my friend had to help cut it off. The ring, that is, not the thing….although it was a close thing. So to speak.
November 3rd, 2006 at 9:46 pm
Glad to hear that you listen to that little voice in your head sometimes Marti, just think you could have been known as “Buzzy” if you had blabbed… err …sorry , known.
November 3rd, 2006 at 10:11 pm
OMG, I can’t imagine being able to keep from laughing!!
November 4th, 2006 at 5:00 am
We should call this guy Buzz.
I saw this picture online where this brainiac decided to stick his third member into a loaded mousetrap. The result was painful to look at. We’ve got some very stupid people out there.
November 4th, 2006 at 9:58 am
What a hilarious story! It is proof that there should be a “stupidity clause” for the HIPAA privacy rules. It also reminds me of a guy who came to my mothers hospital in the late 80’s who had inserted one of those aquarium light bulbs up his arse….and it broke!
Great post Marti.
November 4th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Sounds like a good commercial for Energizer batteries! I found your website via Chris… that’s hilarious.
November 4th, 2006 at 5:53 pm
Hahaha that is so funny. Though I totally agree as well being a paramedic before and Ive seen funny stuff at work
November 4th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
The concentration it must have taken not to laugh! Great post
.
November 5th, 2006 at 1:59 pm
O.M.G. That is hysterical. Probably better than the IUD meets penis piercing episode.
You should email the writers.
BTW, I can tell you without hesitation that I would have been the new “Buzzy”…I can never manage to keep my mouth shut.
November 6th, 2006 at 10:45 am
Oh, thats funny! Great punchline! Now I want to read the piercing vs. IUD story.
November 7th, 2006 at 6:51 am
Funny post Marti. Thanks for dropping by and reading my “Bob The Cat” post. Glad you liked it. I enjoy what I’ve read of yours too! And you’re a write. I’ve been “aspiring” for years
I’ll be back!
November 13th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Whahahahaha that is so funny
November 25th, 2006 at 7:56 pm