(This Wednesday is not wordless, as tragedy has once again struck Our Lady of Lucklessness)
Drums keep poundin’ nails into my brain
La de da de de, la de da de da.
(Those unfamiliar with the old Sonny and Cher song I just parodied are scratching their nail-less heads)
Yes friends, 1967 was the Summer of Love.
2006 has been the Summer of Shove. As in, shove a spike into my eye socket. It would be a relief. LOL
Who knew that automotive epilepsy was hereditary? I have owned some of the all-time shakiest vehicles in car manufacturing history. This passage is from my soon-to-be-released book, “Queen Klutz”.
I don’t just get flat tires; I have wheels fall off. Mufflers don’t just become noisy, they become disengaged.
My children understand the geography of our area not by landmarks, but by towing incidents.
“Oh, that’s where the transmission dropped out of the blue van.”
“You know sis, over there where the bumper fell off.”
She responds, “Which car?”
So I suppose it should come as no surprise that this trait has passed on to the boy. The boy who purchased the 4-wheel sweat lodge that had neither air conditioning nor operable windows. The one with the battery manufactured by Thomas Edison, with battery cables made from braided goat hair and chewing gum foil.
The boy who drove me home (in said sweat lodge) after I left my car at the mechanics with (y’all were right) a broken alternator.
The boy who THEN showed up at 2 AM in our bedroom saying he’d had a flat tire on the freeway. He has no jack. Course he doesn’t need a jack, he has no spare.
Husband and I arose wearily. Pulled a can of fix-a-flat from the emergency supply closet (which is larger than the living room - think he hasn’t learned anything from living with the queen of the car killers?) and off they went.
Husband instructs boy on how to squirt goo in. By the light of the silvery moon, they watch goo spew out other side. Sigh. Husband tells boy to limp vehicle to nearest tire dealer. Follows weeble-wobble boy at three miles per hour. Brings boy home.
I call tire dealer at start of business day. Please replace tire. Which tire? The flat one. Yes the one that looks like it has rabies, foaming at the south (side) from spewing fix-a-flat out its multiple malocclusions. What do you mean you don’t have a tire that size? You are a tire DEALER, for cryin’ out loud! I have to go WHERE to get one? Can’t you have it delivered? You don’t do that…swell. Hell. I am in hell. Again. I have a frequent dyer pass.
I drove the boy to work and took off for Kazackistan, the only place left on the planet that has a tire to fit the boy’s car. It is 185 degrees outside. There is road construction. I feel sorry for the workers, holding a warning sign in one hand and a gallon jug of water to their lips with the other. Until I hit a giant pothole they have yet to repair, which jarred a wire loose somewhere, and the car died. Had car towed to mechanic. Sat in smelly waiting room, while the just-installed alternator was given life again. Call tire store. Tell them it will be next day. Go pick boy up. Go home to die. Again.
The Wordless Wednesday Blogroll
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Categories: Wordless-Wednesday, Family, Humor, cars
Posted by Marti @ 
At what stage is it considered proper to cut YOUR losses on this crapola and leave it at the local dump.
August 2nd, 2006 at 4:21 am
Think back, Marti. What have you done bad to cars in your past? Used and abused them like cheap dates? E.O.A. (evidently, obviously and apparently, as my wife would say) you’ve got bad “car-ma.”
August 2nd, 2006 at 6:23 am
Oh Peter, once we’re in for a penny, we’re in for a pound LOL
LOL Michael! I’ve often wondered if I was some sort of mass machine murderer in a past life! Bad “car-ma”? LMAO! Must be!
August 2nd, 2006 at 6:44 am
Oh my GOODNESS, and I thought I was bad with cars!! AGH!!! Happy WW, anyway
.
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:22 am
too funny! lol You’re making me feel better about my luck! lol
Happy WW!
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:27 am
What a big nail! Thanks for passing by.
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:34 am
What a big nail! Thanks for passing by. Happy Birthday too.
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:35 am
Marti, you make me feel so lucky!
I always think I have problems, then I come over and read your latest dilemma, and I think, no, I have minor setbacks. 
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:41 am
Omgosh!! Are you serious?? I want your book! Is it out? Just wondering. That is soo funny and I say that with as much sorrow as I can muster. I’d never get into a car again if I was you! LOL! Do your friends let you in their cars?????
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:42 am
Well now….that’s some bad “Kar” ma for sure….now wait. Ya know I coulda said there’s some bad sh** happening and it’s getting spooky! Good grief girl….did you at some point take a bad turn somewhere in the wood and abuse a vehicle to the point where they’re ALL coming to get you?
Love the rabies reference. I spit my pepsi all over my monitor!!
LOL
Sorry to laugh at these mishaps but it’s the way you wrote it.
My W W is posted. Okay…*Wystful running to get a paper towel to clean up her spewing mess all over the desk and keyboard*.
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:43 am
That is some bad luck! And I for one do remember the song! In fact it will be in my head all day!! Hope things even out soon!
My WW is up! Happy Wednesday!
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:52 am
Love the old railroad nail (spike). Those things are heavy:-).
Happy WW.
August 2nd, 2006 at 9:53 am
You are HILARIOUS! In a very sad way, I’m afraid.
Now I have to open Rhapsody and look up that song…
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:09 am
oh boy, that was rotten luck, marti. good thing you’ve got an upbeat disposition. my ww’s up!
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:16 am
Such a vivid picture to go with how you are feeling! Happy Belated Birthday! My WW is up!
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:48 am
That is too funny…I’m having flashbacks of my friends “brand new” lime green valiant that we used to cruise around in when we were 16. It was so much fun, flat tires and all!
Happy WW!
August 2nd, 2006 at 11:18 am
Nice WW, and thanks for visiting mine.
August 2nd, 2006 at 11:48 am
Thanks for visiting my WW! Hopefully you’re car karma has made a turn for the better!
August 2nd, 2006 at 12:15 pm
LOL your post really made me laugh!
Thanks for swinging by my blog.
Frances
PS HAPPY B-DAY
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:59 pm
and they say, those were the days! =)
Hope you’re doin’ well, Marti - sorry I’ve been a stranger.
August 2nd, 2006 at 3:40 pm
You guys have some serious car curse going on there. Hopefully, it will lift soon.
August 2nd, 2006 at 8:04 pm
Not much car luck in your family. great story!
August 2nd, 2006 at 9:34 pm
I think we’re related. No, really. I have been the “Murphy’s Law” of motor vehicles since before I could even drive. My mother always thought it was her, but no… as soon as I moved out of the house, all of her vehicles problems disappeared. …And found me, again.
All you can do is find the humor and then fix the damn car.
Apparently you have the humor part down pat. [grin]
Thanks for stopping by my WW, Marti. I’ve got a T13 up now, too, if’n ya wanna stop back in.
August 3rd, 2006 at 3:24 am
hello marti!
the queer chef brought me here. very interesting post. will come back for more. linked you, if you don’t mind. keep on writing.
cheers!
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:29 pm
PHEW. That is one experience I don’t want! Sounds like a very bad curse…. *lol*
Love the pic though
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:35 pm
Gah! If I were you I’d just give up driving. So not worth it.
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:40 pm
Sure, just upstage my DMV entry……..At least I feel lucky now;)
Hope your week gets better!
Chris
My Blog
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:34 pm
There ya go, when life deals you lemons, turn it into blogfodder!
August 4th, 2006 at 6:28 am