No I didn’t misspell “since” LOL

The past couple of weeks have been such an assault on my senses, I think they have simply thrown up their hands. No wait, that makes it sound like my eyes and ears are vomiting appendages with fingers. That ain’t right. LOL

It has however, been a time of great trial and tribulation here. Each and every one of my senses - sight, sound, smell, touch, taste and common (snicker) has been pushed so far beyond the point of what passes for normal ‘round here, that I feel as stretched out as Paul Abdul’s credibility. Wait, bad example….LOL

Where to begin?

Sight - The last fruit of my loins has rolled out of the basket LOL

My daughter, who just turned 17, has transformed from the little girl I put to bed last month into a drive-her-mother-crazy teen. The first sign of the apocalypse was her request for the Devil’s toolbox, a cell phone.

Then a friend asked her if she would like to go “tanning” with her (I didn’t realize it was a sport LOL)

So Daughter called Harried Mother and requested I go purchase tanning time. I have never paid for tanning. (Us old hippies used the sun, which is apparently as outdated as wearing a corset LOL)

But I went, and a little leatherish pixie (five feet tall, 80 pounds dripping wet with skin the color of a well-worn saddle) asked me several questions about the potential tan-ee. “What’s her base?” This one had me buffaloed. What did the tawny elf want to know? If my child plays softball? Her political inclinations? No, she wondered if the child had a base tan. She does not. She, like her mother, is whiter than white. We make rice look bronze LOL The pixie said she would start the tan-ee at Level 1.

Following the tanning session, she asked to go home with the Friend Who Tans. Turns out FWT is also Friend Who Colors Hair Frequently. Returning home late last evening, was a child with very dark hair, in place of the daughter with golden highlighted locks I had sent to school. I blanched at the sight of her.

Let me chant now :
Ohmmm
Don’t say something wicked that you will regret
Don’t say something wicked that you will regret
Don’t say something wicked that you will regret
Ohmmmygodmmmm

Sound - We decided to get the in-laws a virgin LOL

A Virgin Mobile cell phone. Yes, despite the horrors encountered with bad billing and nigh-on-impossible activation, it seemed like the wisest choice, as the folks got stranded on the road not long ago, and nearly-ninety father-in-law had to hoof it to a gas station to call for assistance. So we got them a pay-as-you-go (which we will pay as they go LOL)

Teaching myself how to use it (so I could teach them) was a bit of a challenge, but activating it was downright hilarious. Whereas the voice mail at OUR phone company *coughsprintcough* is a synthesized, homogenized white woman, Virgin Mobile picks up with a peppy African American female saying, “Hey! This is Simone! Whatchu want? Aw ri-i-i-ght!” It was delightful! I just checked in with mom-in-law and yes, she has been practicing with it, and was able to place a couple of test calls - yea!

Smell - Something frightened a skunk near here. The windows are closed, (what a shame - it is beautiful outside) but the stench seeps in. I am simmering potpourri, spraying air freshener and burning incense (LOL) but the mighty skunk funk remains.

Touch - Is there anything softer than a tiny kitten? I think not. Here are the little hooligans, now 18 days old. They are becoming more mobile, and managed to wander around between when I posed them (all facing me) and snapping the picture. The gray striped one is in the background (see the label “Hooligan #4” on the picture LOL)

All are doing well.

Taste - On the daily drive in to McDonalds to deliver Middle Son to his duties, we usually stop for an energy drink. We take turns buying, and on the days it is his money, he is bold in his choices, and brings me whatever strikes his fancy. I have learned that I am not a No Fear kind of gal LOL I like most SoBe drinks, especially Liz Blizz , the non-alcoholic Pina Colada flavored, vitamin enhanced drink, but dear gawd that No Fear stuff is nasty - what I would imagine battery acid is like LOL

Common - I was in the grocery store the other day and there was a fella walking around wearing one of those danged wireless headset things (which I didn’t realize at first). As I passed him, he started speaking, and said, “I’m going to take twenty of those.”

I was trying to figure out why he felt the urge to explain his choice to me, when he continued, “They’ll never figure out that I stole them.”

Now I’m freaking out, thinking this total stranger is confiding his intent to shoplift to me.

Then I saw the thingy on his head, and realized he was having a phone conversation.

Gawd knows what he was stealing, or from whom.

I don’t want to know, but wouldn’t common sense dictate that you don’t discuss committing a crime OUT IN PUBLIC? LOL

_ _ _

I haven’t been making it around my blogroll much lately, but trying to play catch up today. I sure appreciate y’all stoppin’ by and visiting! Hope I get by to see you soon!

Best wishes to all of you for a lovely weekend!

Categories: Family, Cats, Rants