Well, we raised another one another year. Daughter is now 17. That can’t be right, can it? (Does math in head, on scratch paper and with calculator, then groans LOL)

How can the youngest of my youngens be this old? And how, in the name of all that is holy, could she ask for, (see Marti beating her head against the wall) a cell phone?

Yes, that’s right. More than anything else in the whole wide world, her heart’s desire was my arch nemesis. I tried to dissuade her with all sorts of bright and shiny things - promises of clothes, games, furs (synthetic for our little Earth Girl) and jewels.

Alas…(more head pounding) my pleas were in vain. That beautiful face knew just which hopeful expression would melt the heart of the Evil “No” Queen.

We visited Eldest Son (now Assistant Manager, says Proud Mother) at his emporium of fine retail electronics. He showed Darling Daughter several models, explained various options, patted his mother on the head and pulled her away from the wall upon which she wailed.

The jinx followed me, and Eldest Son encountered great difficulty connecting with the telecommunications company to handle the business of adding another line to our plan and activating yet another device. He persevered though, and I maintained a brave front in public, only sobbing occasionally.

His kind and generous nature caused him to pay the first $50 of the tab, bringing tears to the eyes of his head-banging mother.

At last, it was done. Our four-person household now has five telephones (one per person plus the land line), and when something rings, we all start seeking the source.

News from Eldest Son is good, he and lovely fiancée are looking at houses, contemplating real estate as a wise pre-marital investment. He’s a smart lad - they ain’t making any more land. No wedding date set yet.

We departed the emporium of fine retail electronics, Daughter nearly vibrating with delight and anticipation, to pick up Middle Son (French Fry Boy).

She pulled her lovely new red phone out, and being a teenager, was tech-savvy enough to immediately begin choosing screensavers.

We arrived at the Land of Golden Arches, and I made one small request.

“Please make your first call to Grandma, and thank her for the birthday card she sent you.”

I recited the number, while her delicate little digits entered the digits in record time.

“Hi Grandma! I just got a new cell phone for my birthday! You are my very first call! Thank you so much for the pretty card you sent me!”

I could tell it made Grandma smile.

We headed home, where the King was assaulted with fierce hugging. “I love it Daddy! I love it! Thank you, thank you!”

I saw him looking tenderly at the almost-a-woman standing before him, radiating happiness like the glow of a thousand suns. I knew it was what he would remember when his bi-state commute makes him weary, and I clasped his hand with the, “this is what makes it all worth it” squeeze.

He got his own cell phone out and requested the number to enter in his contacts.
“S-c-o-o-t-e-r”.
I held out the paperwork displaying the information, smiling as my chin drew up under my lips. She shot him the smile of gratitude that Kings live to see on their only Princess, and went skipping off happily.

We dined on fried chicken (Birthday Girl’s choice), and later heard the giggles coming from the Playstation 2 arena, where the Delighted One wore her thumbs out on her gift from Middle Son, Kingdom Hearts 2 (how appropo). We watched them, holding video game controllers in their hands, fingers flying, laughing together. We watched the new kittens, greedily mewing and struggling with their weak little legs to fight for a spot at MamaCat’s belly.

And we smiled.

For her cake, Daughter chose Red Velvet.
For my ache(ing head) I chose aspirin.

For the moment, all is right with the world.

Categories: Special Days, Family, Humor