I promised some funny stories this week, but this ain’t one of them - sorry.
I’m feeling pesky. I am irritated, mostly with myself, but when I’m irritated with myself, it spreads like pancake syrup, oozing and dripping onto everything else on my metaphoric plate.
I am selfish. A hideously, monstrously selfish person. Wrapped in my own little “me” blanket, clutching it tightly around myself with only a tiny peephole to the rest of the world. Even this post is about me - LOL
I received offers of assistance from some kindly bloggers who are wiser than I in the Ways of WordPress. I was so anxious to plunder their knowledge cupboards, that I didn’t even notice that their stove was on fire.
TN Chick, God bless her, left a comment offering to help. I hadn’t visited her blog (or anyone else’s blog) for days, as I struggled and moaned with trying to build this site. Her comment had her e-mail address, so I wrote (without visiting her blog) and asked for help.
More like leapt on her offer like a frog on a June bug.
She answered, and did indeed go into the grisly arena that is a WordPress template and make adjustments for me, without once mentioning that her home town had been devastated by tornadoes. She never said, “I’m sorry Marti, but I can’t help you right now, because neighborhoods nearby have been obliterated and people I know were killed.”
No, she was selfless and wonderful. It wasn’t until yesterday that I stopped by her blog and saw what she’d been through, the photographs of shattered homes and lives.
That was when I started hating me.
I knew she lived in Tennessee. I’d seen the television coverage of the devastation. But did I once pause to consider that she could have been affected?
Nope.
So I hate me right now. I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for the losses suffered by those in the tornado’s path, (and of course because I am so self-centered, my heart breaks for myself). I am a hideously, monstrously selfish person. Wrapped in my own little “me” blanket, clutching it tightly around myself with only a tiny peephole to the rest of the world.
Posted by Marti @ 
A truly selfish person would fling up false justifications for their actions and not feel a bit guilty about how others felt. You just caught a case of the Tunnel Vision, which has happened to all of us. So, try and go easy on yourself, okay?
April 10th, 2006 at 10:25 am
Deborah’s right, the fact that you noticed and felt bad proves that you’re not as selfish as you think you are. Maybe you just weren’t as observant at that moment as you could have been, but that doesn’t mean you’re selfish.
Don’t worry about being peevish. Not everyone can be a comic genius 100% of the time, and I would think you were being dishonest if you were.
Leigh
April 10th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
There is a book called “The Selfish Gene”. It is an interesting read if you can handle the scientific language in which it is written in. The book is famous in the science community and offers the hypothesis that humans are inherently selfish because we are built this way over millions and millions of years. Only the selfish survived, and that is still true in a lot of places. In countries in high populations, you will find more of what people would call “greedy” or “selfish” people. In reality, it is hard for these people to survive there without the selfish gene.
For me, the goal is to be what humans think humans should be - better than other mammals, and this can mean overcoming what we are programmed to do. Then, trying to be unselfish is a constant struggle, and it will always be a struggle. But, at least, the struggle feels good, and it makes me feel more human.
April 11th, 2006 at 12:12 am
Awww, Marti.
We’re all human, and far from perfect.
Chalk it up to a weak moment and do something nice for someone in the future.
That there are still people in the world willing to help in the midst of personal crisis gives us all hope. Ah, that more people weren’t like her.
TN Chick sounds like a great soul.
Go easy, kiddo. Life’s too short.
~Michael
April 11th, 2006 at 4:45 am
Marti, cut yourself some slack. If you didn’t really care, you wouldn’t be feeling so guilty right now! And just maybe that distraction was good for her?
April 11th, 2006 at 6:05 am
Like thet’re all sayin’ Marti, go easy on yourself, you made ammends when the penny dropped that’s the main thing.
April 11th, 2006 at 7:18 am
Marti,
That you are truly a nice person comes through here in everything you write. Every single one of us has had a similar experience, perhaps asked how someone’s family member was doing only to discover that they have passed away or some thing of that sort. We have all done it. If we are caring people, we feel terrible afterward even though we couldn’t have known. No one is omniscient. Everyone in today’s world is juggling dozens of things, trying never to let any of them slip out of hand.
So don’t beat yourself up.
We like you and enjoy reading your writings.
April 11th, 2006 at 11:02 am
Hey girl - No worries…. if I didn’t want to help or wasn’t able to - I wouldn’t have. I love to help you and others and never think twice about it. Don’t hate yourself - we can’t all know what’s going on everywhere. You are certainly NOT hideously, monstrously or selfish … now go take that back.
Chin up, Ok? Email me anything you need something and if I can help, I will. It’s what I like to do, Ok?
Hugs.
April 13th, 2006 at 9:11 pm