January 26, 2006

About This Blog

I have been a writer since pre-school.

Our family has been on the internet for almost a decade, going clear back to the early days off USENET bulletin boards. I watched Husband and Son foraging excitedly through this new cyber-jungle, and followed along on their safari.

I learned that I could find people who had similar interests. I learned that I could post messages that other people responded to. I found a place to share my crazy ideas and express myself through my humorous writing.

It made me happy.

Eldest Son started blogging and sent me his link. I was fascinated, and played around with several private blogs, learning the ropes.

Then I officially started Digital Doorway: Enter the Laughter in January 2005.

No one came.

It made me sad.

But I am one determined gal, and I learned about traffic exchanges, started commenting at other blogs, and got myself listed in directories.

Readers came, and life was good.

Then disaster struck.

On Tuesday, January 24, 2006, I put up an early morning post with the subject that it was three weeks until Valentine’s Day. My template had small pictures of items I had listed at E-Bay down the sidebar, to direct people to those online auctions, in hopes of having more bidders.

That afternoon, one of the items sold, so I went to the template to remove its picture. There was a notice from Blogger that they would be shutting down for maintenance.

Little did I know my blog was doomed.

I was right on the borderline, one minute before the scheduled shutdown.

I thought I could get an update in just before the shutdown. I made the changes and hit publish. One of the pictures wasn’t showing up, (just got that dumb little box with a red x in it) so I double-checked the code and I had left the trailing quote mark off of the reference to the picture.

Duh on me - LOL

I went in and made the change to add the quote mark, and hit publish again.

I think that is when I sent the whole shebang down the drain LOL

It was exactly at 4 PM. I went to “View blog” and none of the changes showed up. I went back to the template and they had the notice up that they were doing maintenance and nobody could get in. But after the control dashboard became available again, I still wasn’t able to publish. I could attempt to change things, but when I hit publish it would just show 0% over and over LOL

The next day, when it still wouldn’t work, I thought I would switch to FTP and upload it to web hosted space I already have, so I set up a folder at my webhost (Yahoo) to receive it, and changed the parameters at Blogger. But I still got the 0% publish thing, and that’s when I knew I was doomed.

I’ve written dozens of letters to Blogger Help and Support, all for naught.

I’m considering Wordpress, but I hate having to start yet again, and having to learn a whole new system. So I’ll probably just stick with the new blogspot address and hope all my old pals can find me - LOL

So if you see a frazzled blonde out of the corner of your eye, waving her arms, whistling, shouting, and waving a sign that says, “Over here!” that’s me.

Come on over, door’s always open.

Categories: Blogging, Rants

January 24, 2006

Valentine Daze

Be My Valentine
At last, the flu bug has been beaten into submission here. Family members are back to work and school, and I am going to go sleep for 6 hours to recover myself - LOL

Valentine’s Day is THREE WEEKS from TODAY!
(All the male readers experience temporary blindness - LOL)
I’ve decorated the ol’ blog - added a countdown (I will send the code to anyone who wants it) changed the banner and colors a bit (still tweaking the colors some, it’s hard to find colors that look good and provide enough contrast to show up well.)
WIN FREE CANDY!
Russell Stover Chocolates
Send in your best Valentine joke, and I will compile them into a post each Friday for a contest, and ask readers to vote for their favorite.
You can post your jokes in the comments section, or e-mail them to me here:
Valentine’s Day is Tuesday February 14, so I will announce the winner on Friday, February 17.
I will send the winner a free box of Russell Stover Chocolates!
Here’s one to get you started:
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight.” he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.
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Categories: Special Days, Jokes, Family

January 22, 2006

Gas Guzzler

Well, I did a dumb thing.

Again.

Duh - LOL

Everyone here is still suffering through cold and flu symptoms. Thank you all for your kind comments and good wishes.

I needed to go out and get more medications (Do they sell Nyquil in gallon jugs? LOL)

It was hideously cold and windy, and my car was almost out of gasoline. Grumpily, I got out to pump it, shivering, my hands shaking. I jammed the nozzle in and turned my face away from the car because the wind was beating my hair into my face.

I squeezed the trigger, latching it into the lock position, so I could put my freezing hands into my pockets and something didn’t sound right. I turned back and gasoline was spewing in every direction!

I hadn’t gotten the nozzle seated properly, and instead of going into the tank, it was ricocheting back out, spraying all over me. I was drenched by the time I got it shut off, but then I had to stand there dripping, shivering and hoping I wasn’t shaking enough to create a friction fire, put the nozzle in the right way, and fill the tank.

I drove home with the window down because the stench was about to knock me out. (Why couldn’t my nose have STAYED stopped up? LOL)

I got inside, threw my coat, clothes and shoes in a trash bag, and tossed it out on the front porch, (naked - thank gawd we live WAY out in the country LOL). I slammed the front door shut and glanced out through the glass to see all of the curious cats run over to the bag, start to sniff, then jerk away in disgust! LOL

I headed in to take a long, hot bath and wash my hair, and French Fry Boy called out, “Did you get the medicine?” HE is the one who left the car with almost no gasoline in it. I opened his door just a crack (naked and gasoline drenched) stuck my head in and shot him the death-ray laser look, which I’m sure was confusing to his already fevered mind LOL

He looked so pitiful lying there sick though, I didn’t say anything.

He’s lucky I don’t believe in capital punishment though - LOL

Categories: Family, Rants

January 19, 2006

Family Flued

Everyone here is sick with the flu.

Not bird flu, unless you count the fact that they are driving me cuckoo - LOL

All home, all fussy.

Welcome to Sneezy Town. Coughedy Central. Extreme Acheover.

Will return at some point, when Saturday Night Fever subsides. LOL

Categories: Family, Rants

January 17, 2006

Enter the Laughter Named to Blog Herald List

Well duh on me - LOL

Took the day off from the internet yesterday to spend time with family.

Stupid family! LOL (Just kidding)

But it did cause me to miss one of the biggest honors yet for this blog - being named to the Blog Herald’s “100 Blogs in 100 Days” list!

I am speechless (which you know is a rarity - LOL)

I would like to thank The Blog Herald for naming me, I am genuinely flattered and honored.

Please swing by there and let him know this wasn’t a huge mistake - LOL!

Because I am too verklempt to say anything witty, I will reprint one of my favorite blog posts, from July 29, 2005, my birthday:

DMV or Diarrheal Mahatma Voodoo

Only in America could a severely flatulent white woman, a nice gentleman from India, and his Haitian wife meet in the line at a Department of Motor Vehicles office, and bond.

Still suffering The War of the Bowels, I was feelin’ mighty poorly, and the last thing I EVER want to do, (much less when I am suffering from diarrhea) is go to the DMV.

But the new Neon had to have the taxes paid and the license purchased, because Husband must commute from the farm through a nearby small town, and the fine upstanding officers who may read this so I am not about to say anything bad about them, do tend to look for those minor infractions like one mile over the speed limit, or two minutes past the expiration of your tags.

So, while Husband was sympathetic to my plight, he requested that if it were humanly possible, he wanted me to go take care of the nasty business.

And nasty it was.

I packed up my troubles (and Kaopectate) in my ol’ kit bag (along with all of the necessary paperwork) and biled, biled, biled.

The line snaked around in a zigzag pattern, disguising how long it really was. Sneaky bastards.

An exotic couple were last in line when I entered the building, and were muttering to one another in accented English, about the pitiful lack of available office workers and the wife’s desire to put a hex on the clerks who disappeared through a side door never to be seen again. I stepped into the space behind them and promptly passed gas.

They turned, I blushed, and apologized. It was the first of many such moments.

My gut ached and cramped. The line never seemed to move forward, but other weary applicants lengthened the queue. The couple in front of me turned again when an involuntary moan escaped my lips.

“You sound berry bad,” the kindly gentleman from India said. I nodded. Motioning to the slow-moving line and group of folks who continued to pour into the building, he asked, “is it always this crowded?”

You know you’re in a bad situation when a Calcutta native thinks the place is crowded.

I nodded again, afraid to open my mouth, fearing a sulfurous belch might escape and combust, the room was so hot.

An old man several spaces ahead of us was pretty clever. He had retrieved a chair from the hallway, and sat in it in line. Every so often, he would abruptly stand up and spout random epitaphs to no one in particular. After his pronouncement, he would sit back down, and doze off for a while.

I conversed with the couple, who explained they had met in a community college class. They were very nice, and held my spot for me when I felt something heavier than gas about to escape, and dashed to the toilet.

When the old man took his turn with the clerk, the nice gentleman from India retrieved his chair for me.

Finally, I was able to shuffle off to beefalo.

That is not a typo, it is a product sold at my next stop, the nearby meat store. It a cross between beef cattle and buffalo, high in protein, low in fat, and amusing to imagine being conceived. I drive past the buffalo ranch if I take the gravel road into town, and they are magnificent beasts to behold, but for some reason, picturing one of them fornicating with Elsie the cow, just makes me giggle.

I feel a little better today, and plan to sit back and chill, ’cause it’s my birthday!

Best wishes to all who read!

Categories: Humor, Blogging

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