A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT ? ! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
***
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said.
“I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”
***
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?”
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”
***
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!”
I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.”
“I know,” she replied, “but what’s growing in your butt?”
***
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”
The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”
One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!’ ”
***
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.”
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?”
She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”
***
A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”
Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
***
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.”
She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.”
Categories: Jokes
Posted by Marti @ 
OMG Marti! I was smiling as I was reading these….but when I came to that last one I about spit a mouth full of root beer all over my keyboard!!!! LMAO!!!
Steph
September 29th, 2005 at 7:28 pm
OMG Marti! I was smiling as I was reading these….but when I came to that last one I about spit a mouth full of root beer all over my keyboard!!!! LMAO!!!
Steph
September 29th, 2005 at 7:28 pm
“Holy shit, it’s a talking chicken!”
I love it! These were cute. Thanks for sharing. LOL.
September 29th, 2005 at 10:21 pm
“Holy shit, it’s a talking chicken!”
I love it! These were cute. Thanks for sharing. LOL.
September 29th, 2005 at 10:21 pm
I think I am carrying twins in my butt!
September 29th, 2005 at 11:48 pm
I think I am carrying twins in my butt!
September 29th, 2005 at 11:48 pm
I think my favorite is the boy who calls his dad “the big sissy”. Must be because of my gender. Anyways thanks for sharing Marti.
The Lumpy
September 30th, 2005 at 7:20 am
I think my favorite is the boy who calls his dad “the big sissy”. Must be because of my gender. Anyways thanks for sharing Marti.
The Lumpy
September 30th, 2005 at 7:20 am
LOL! Do you wanna know what it feels like to snort diet pepsi into your sinus cavity when you read “holy shit, it’s a talking chicken’?
September 30th, 2005 at 8:40 am
LOL! Do you wanna know what it feels like to snort diet pepsi into your sinus cavity when you read “holy shit, it’s a talking chicken’?
September 30th, 2005 at 8:40 am
“…hair on your Twinkie”! LOL Hmm, I know a couple gals that could give her advice on taking care of that…..
LOL!
Kel
September 30th, 2005 at 9:03 am
“…hair on your Twinkie”! LOL Hmm, I know a couple gals that could give her advice on taking care of that…..
LOL!
Kel
September 30th, 2005 at 9:03 am
LOL!
Glad these could give everyone a chuckle! Thank you all for stopping by!
September 30th, 2005 at 11:14 am
LOL!
Glad these could give everyone a chuckle! Thank you all for stopping by!
September 30th, 2005 at 11:14 am
So HYSTERICAL, … my side aches… owww….
September 30th, 2005 at 4:15 pm
So HYSTERICAL, … my side aches… owww….
September 30th, 2005 at 4:15 pm
LMAO - Great, cute jokes. I was “trolling” for some entertaining blogs, and voila.
Very good, these belong in Art Linkletter’s “Children Say the Darndest Things.”
September 30th, 2005 at 10:10 pm
LMAO - Great, cute jokes. I was “trolling” for some entertaining blogs, and voila.
Very good, these belong in Art Linkletter’s “Children Say the Darndest Things.”
September 30th, 2005 at 10:10 pm
Reminds me of the funny sections of the Reader’s Digest. I used to read those during class everyday in high school. As long as I pulled A’s and B’s my teachers let me. I loved high school. It was sweet.
October 1st, 2005 at 4:57 pm
Reminds me of the funny sections of the Reader’s Digest. I used to read those during class everyday in high school. As long as I pulled A’s and B’s my teachers let me. I loved high school. It was sweet.
October 1st, 2005 at 4:57 pm
All the stories were great! Thanks for bringing a little joy into a boring day.
October 2nd, 2005 at 11:41 am
All the stories were great! Thanks for bringing a little joy into a boring day.
October 2nd, 2005 at 11:41 am
Thank you all for stopping by. Daughter had Homecoming Dance this weekend so I was very busy with preparations, and couldn’t make it back here any sooner. I really appreciate everyone’s comments.
October 3rd, 2005 at 1:55 pm
Thank you all for stopping by. Daughter had Homecoming Dance this weekend so I was very busy with preparations, and couldn’t make it back here any sooner. I really appreciate everyone’s comments.
October 3rd, 2005 at 1:55 pm
Hi Marti
Very funny jokes/stories.
You’re on my Dad’s (Peter’s) blogroll at Holtieshouse. Blogging has been a revelation for Dad, it’s opened up a whole new world for him. It’s fantastic to see the cyber community that he has become a part of.
I’m wondering if you’d like to do me a favour. May 28 is Dad’s 70th birthday, a special milestone. I’m going to ask all his Blogging buddies to send him a special birthday message on the big day. I’m trying to keep it a secret so don’t let the cat out of the bag ok?
I know he’ll appreciate it.
Thanks
Marcus (HoltPress)
(You may want to delete this comment after you’ve read it)
May 16th, 2006 at 8:50 am