August 14, 2005

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BILL O’ REILLY: That friggin’ chicken is a *#@&* liar!

HOWARD STERN: Let’s see your breasts.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish itslife long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historic inevitability.

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken did cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Categories: Jokes

August 13, 2005

WHEN I DIE

When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep.

Not screaming like all the passengers with her in her car.

LOL

Categories: Jokes

August 12, 2005

Comments

Sorry for not responding to recent comments, I apologize.

Things have been crazy here in a not-funny-don’t-care-to-share kind of way.

I appreciate all of the input regarding blog comments.

I have decided to maintain a dialog in my own comments section, (but not today, because I have too much else to deal with, she said in a schizophrenic fashion LOL) instead of going to the blog of the person who left me a note, and writing, “Thanks for your comment” at THEIR blog.

I will visit the blogs of anyone who leaves a comment, and may comment, but if I do, it will be a response to a topic on YOUR blog, not me dropping in to say, “Thanks for stopping by my blog”.

I would like to thank Darren Rowse of ProBlogger for bringing his readers into the discussion, and to Gone Away for opening up the debate over there.

Hope everyone has a great day.

I look forward to having my personal issues resolved, so I can focus on being entertaining (as I hope I was before LOL) again.

Categories: Blogging

August 9, 2005

Leaning Tower of Puzza

My darling mother-in-law loves jigsaw puzzles.

She works big ones, little ones, round ones too.

Sorry, starting to sound a little too Dr. Seuss there……

Actually, it is from a series of roadside signs that I made to promote our pumpkin sales.

When the pumpkin patch is open, I have a series of small billboards, placed every fifty feet or so along the road in front of the farm, in the manner of the old Burma Shave shaving cream signage.

{{All the young whippersnappers out there are scratching their Gen-X heads in confusion LOL}}

My pumpkin signs read:

Big ones, little ones,
White ones too,
We have the perfect
Pumpkin for you!

Pretty lame, huh? LOL!

Back to darling mother-in-law and her pile o’ puzzles.

She regularly gives me a batch of jigsaw puzzles that she has finished, and lets me sell them at online auctions.{subliminal message please go look please go look lol}

She said, “Now I GUARANTEE that all of the pieces are here for these, and that they are in fine shape.

I promise, ’cause I am a good Christian woman and I don’t swear”.

Then she giggles like only an adorable grandmother can giggle.

I decided to be clever (which can sometimes get me in b-i-g trouble LOL) so I spiced up the listings with a little song parody about my darling mother-in-law having so many jigsaw puzzles
(to the Beverly Hillbillies theme, “The Ballad of Jed Clampett”).

The Ballad of Puz Rampant
Come and listen to my story of my dear mother-in-law,
A sweet puzzler, she has lots of them, jigsaw,
And then one day, she was puttin’ one away,
But the closet was so full, that the box just wouldn’t stay!

Hmmmm, she said, “Gotta go! Selling spree!”

Well the first thing you know, she told me of her issue,
And she said, “Help! What is there to do?”
I said, “Don’t you worry, our solution is E-Bay,
We will put them up for sale, and let buyers bid away!”"

Great, they are,
All the pieces! Guarantee!

Well now it’s time for you to come and gaze at what we’ve got,
You won’t be disappointed when you look at what you’ve bought.
They’re all a pretty picture, and the pieces are all there,
We promise - ’cause she’s so sweet that she doesn’t ever swear!

Y’all come back now, ya hear?

Even lamer huh? (And you thought it wasn’t possible - pshaw! LOL!)

I keep selling them and she keeps giving me more - LOL

The last batch was a whopper, so we have a very tall stack of them in here now.

Since the boxes are all different sizes, and I have to pull them out to write the descriptions and take photos, or wrap them when they are sold, the stack has become somewhat discombobulated (isn’t that a great word? LOL)

I fear it could injure one of us if it collapses from the vibrations of Bo Jangles getting too intense on his dance pad LOL!

I am going to attempt to sneak up on it {shhhh} so I can pull another one out to list.

If you don’t hear from me in a week, please call in Hercule Puzz-oit {snicker}

Categories: Family, E-Bay, Humor

August 7, 2005

Netiquette

I deeply appreciate everyone who has stopped by and left comments (your bribery payments are on the way - LOL!)

Just curious, what do you think is the proper (’cause I am always proper ~snort~) way for the blog owner to respond to comments?

I don’t know how to add a “poll” to a post, and it would probably slow the webpage load time down to a crawl anyway.

Plus I’d lose all of you lovely Blog Explosion folks who are watching the countdown until you can go to the next one, and if the page loads slowly, you’ll be outta here before this ever shows up, so please respond in a comment.

Question:
When a blog owner gets a comment, should they…?

A) Smile to themselves and be glad someone is taking the time to reply

B) Respond via e-mail

C) Respond in their own comments

D) Respond in the comments section of the commenter’s blog?

E) All of the above

Next, we’ll tackle abortion, the government and the possibility of extraterrestrial life………

NOT!

LOL!

Thanks for all comments!

Categories: Blogging

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