Posted By Marti on February 28, 2015
It is mandatory if snow is forecast, you must go to the store and stock up on everything, particularly bread, milk and eggs.
Because who knows when you’re going to have an emergency that requires French toast?
So of course I went to the store because hey, I don’t need THAT on my permanent record.
My basket overflowed with commodities, paper goods, liquor and the obligatory bread, milk and eggs. I got in line. Of course it was the wrong line.
How does it happen that with multiple cashiers available, I got behind the slowest, most annoying person on the planet? Just my luck I guess.
She appeared to be a young, healthy woman, yet she unloaded her basket as if there was a gravity storm directly below her cart, which somehow, caused each item to weigh ten times its normal weight. The item would be hefted onto the conveyor belt for its lonely trip to the cashier’s hand as the cart unloading was slow enough that a single item was scanned and bagged before the next item came out of the basket.
It was agonizing to watch.
I wanted to jump in and grab items in her cart and fling them onto the conveyor belt. I am a fast basket unloader. It’s grocery Tetris in my world. . . pull stuff out of the cart, load and shuffle the arrangement on the conveyor belt, get 75 items into a square foot of space. Move, move, move! Get ‘er done!
Not Slow Sally, the shopper I was stuck behind.
After an eternity, her cart was empty, her items were bagged and the cashier was smiling through gritted teeth, awaiting payment. This seemed to surprise Slow Sally, who has apparently never transacted business in the real world before. The cashier repeated the total due. She stared blankly at him, finally snapping out of her stupor and opening her purse.
Oh dear God.
She SLOWLY pulled out tissues, sunglasses, a hairbrush and I’m not sure what all else because I went rage-blind around that time. At some point she finally found her wallet. Then she had to decide which card to use. She had a monologue with herself about how much credit was left on the various accounts. At last she picked a card and just as it was almost swiped, she paused, and muttered the horrible words, “Oh, I have coupons.”
My life flashed before my eyes.
Of course there was no way to back out because I had Tetris-loaded enough supplies to get the Donner party to California. So I waited, took several deep breaths and looked longingly at the liquor bottle wedged between the milk and bread.
When I got to the car, husband said, “What took so long?” and didn’t understand why I clutched the steering wheel so hard it bent.