Posted By Marti on November 30, 2014
Human: I’m going to sweep the carpet before our guests arrive.
Dog: Bark! Bark! I will protect you from this snarling beast, m’lady! (Attacks vacuum cleaner.)
Cat: Ack! That thing is loud and is going to eat us all! Every beast for themselves – run for your lives! (Hides under bed.)
Dog: People! People! Oh boy, oh boy, people! (Runs to lick guests.)
Cat: What fresh hell is this? I detest people. I shall take my leave. (Hides under bed.)
Dinner is served.
Dog: It all smells so wonderful! I am starving! Please, oh please, drop some tiny scrap for me!
Cat: (Sniffs air, approaches cautiously.) No foie gras? I shall take my leave. (Hides under bed.)
Human: What a delicious meal, let’s go sit by the fire.
Dog: (Brings multiple toys to humans.) Can we play? Huh? Huh? Whaddya say? Please, please please?
Cat: Why do you taunt me with moving red dots and feathers on strings? (Vomits on floor, hides under bed.)
Human: Let’s watch “A Christmas Story” now!
Dog: Oh boy, oh boy, I love that movie! Can we snuggle? Huh, huh?
Cat: That tired old schmaltz? I keep waiting for someone to get their eye shot out as promised, but it never happens. I shall take my leave. (Hides under bed.)