Author and Blogger, Marti Lawrence

Ebooks by Marti Lawrence available through Amazon

  • River of Possibilities, ebook, Kindle. novel by Marti Lawrence
  • 7 ways to screw up your life by Marti Lawrence
  • humor, klutz, Queen Klutz, Marti Lawrence, Ebook

Halloween Humor

Posted By on October 31, 2014

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief
will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your
wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company and another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass.and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co

caramel apple

September 11

Posted By on September 11, 2014

Never Forget

The Day the FBI Photographed my Boobs

Posted By on August 29, 2014

Make Love Not War

Here’s a story from my hippie days that should brighten everyone’s day.

Somewhere deep in a storage room in Washington D.C. there may be pictures of my boobs.

It was 1971 and the war in Vietnam was still going on. College campuses across this great land had protest rallies to shout and demand that we get our troops out of there.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

So I joined a large contingent of teenagers in a university courtyard to listen to folk singers and speakers filling our young, impressionable minds with anti-war sentiments. Then the rumor spread.

Someone said that there were men in suits on top of the nearby building taking photographs. Word swept through the crowd that they were FBI agents and you would end up with a “file” if they could identify you.

“Quick! Cover your faces!” shouted one of the speakers. Some were carrying protest signs, so they shielded themselves with their placards. A few girls had purses and clutched their clutches at head-level.

The rest of us were doomed, until…

“Pull your shirt over your face!” was the advice passed through the crowd.

So I did. Flipped the hem of my T-shirt up over the top of my head, obscuring my features.

I was not wearing a brassiere.

And thus, the once-perky twins may have been photographed and cataloged by the government of the United States. :-) 

It’s My Birthday

Posted By on July 29, 2014

Good grief, I was born in the last century! Today I turned 61 years old. A lot of women won’t admit their age, but I am astonished to have lived this long, so I see it as a badge of honor.

If I’m lucky I will make it to 100, like these two old gals:

100 Year-Old Twins Joke

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local paper told a photographer to get over there and take some pictures of these 100-year-old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

He said, “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other.

“Now get a little closer together,” said the cameraman.



So they wiggled up close to each other.

“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer.

Yet again – “WHAT DID HE SAY?”


With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD! BOTH OF US?”